Return from the Fall Months
A difficult season that I also love.
Much as I love Fall — my favorite season — I realized this year just how hard the months are for me. September starts and four days into the month is the day that Nelle was stillborn in 2015 and my world changed forever. October ushers in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Last year, I had an infant rainbow baby (a baby born after loss) and was just trying to keep afloat.
This year felt heavier, more exhausting. I retreated into mindless activities and scrolling past photos on Instagram as a way to deal with anxiety. I withdrew from writing, even privately in my journal. It all felt like too much.
Only in the past week or so have I felt myself emerging. I have a renewed commitment to finding time for myself and yoga. I did so much yoga in the Summer and Fall of 2016 after losing both Nelle and Iris, but haven’t gotten into it after my rainbow baby was born. I knew that I needed to capture the time for myself.
I missed the Friday noon class but was able to sneak away for a 10:00 am Saturday class. Hot yoga on a crisp day that has a hint of winter sounded like perfection. Bikram Yoga requires a lot of focus and concentration. I can become lost in the dialogue and forget everything outside.
